I don't know where to start. This is what I called unspoken. Your heart is the only one will understand it. That's why I feel like there's nothing to write when I wanna share my feelings and thoughts.
I run my life like anyone else run. I feel that everything I did is just right. But there's always something in something.
I know I'm such a stubborn, selfish, and never give up on my opinion. But, whatever or whoever you are, I think everybody deserve to have the same right, to be loved. I'm not talking about boys, but yes I do need a guy in my life of course :D [back to the topic].
I feel like everything I do is just a mistake. It's all completely wrong in their eyes. But if only you would know the truth why I'm doing it and all the reason, this misunderstanding wouldn't have happened so far, becomes an unspoken truth.
My close friends told me that they understand what I mean and they understand why would I do it that way, but I did it in wrong way. No, it's not wrong. I mean, I took the path which is more than 75% may hurt someone's feelings.
Realizing that the fact may let me lost my comrades, I tried to change my attitude. I tried to less talking about anything, but it made me feeling that I'm not me. I wasn't comfort with my new attitude. I felt like there's something might be better if I say my direct opinion. But the fact was worse than what I thought it would be.I should have realized it earlier, but I can't deal with time. Time goes on, and you just can't take back what you've said. And, the quotes : "Sometimes it's better not to say anything, than to say how you truly feel and make things worse" is just right. I should have continued to change my attitude.
"Be careful how you treat someone that cares for you because they might just walk away and never come back."That quote really happens to me. It is happening, I should say. I often fight with everybody whom I care about, just because of what I've said to them. I always think that it's just a misunderstanding, but I can't do anything to make it better. I just don't know what to do or what to say. And you know what? I need an hour [more] to write this note, because it is just not as simple as my mind works.
As your information, I swear I never plan on hurting others for my sake. I'm not that bad. Even if I hate those people who often hurt me, I will only have a thought if only they're vanished away from my life.As what my best friends used to tell me, I just took the bad path. This path will only hurt myself. Why? Because when someone whom you hurt them and they told this to their friend and then this is heard by someone who dislike you, the number of people who dislike you will increase as they told a bad thing about you, which they never even know about the truth. This is why I feel so complicated to run a life like my life. Everything I do is only a mistake, especially for them.
Well, now I've been trying to change my attitude. I've been practising to control my emotion and been trying to smile to everyone anywhere and anytime. Also I've been trying to be grateful for every second of my life, and it's working. I hope I'll be stronger to face my life with the troubles that I made it by my own mistakes.I know I'm not strong, and I'm not as strong as what you've seen on me. Because you only see what I choose to show you. I'm just an ordinary girl, and since I'm a girl, I'm very sensitive. I have a very fragile heart, which is very easy to tear it apart. You may be never have seen me cry, because I won't let you see me cry. I hate to show my tears because it will only make me looks so weak. You just don't know the time I'm crying. I often crying when there's nobody around, and before I sleep in the silent night.
From now on, I'll always try and do my best. I don't wanna hurt anyone. But if you hurt me so damn much and treat me like I'm a freak monster, I may be patient, but I don't know will I be patient anymore. hehe
I'm a human too, remember? Everybody has a limit in patience. Never let someone's patience over the limit :D
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